By Susan M. Doak, LPC
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” they say. For many people, it feels more like the most stressful time of the year.
Every holiday season, I see stress levels rise as people juggle packed calendars, complicated family dynamics, and the financial pressure of gifts and travel. I’ve observed that the load for holiday gifts, food, and gatherings has tended to fall most on mothers and grandmothers, who are often trying to manage a holiday task list on top of an already full plate. Add grief, loss, or an unresolved family conflict, and the holidays can feel especially heavy.
The stress tends to peak around the Winter Solstice (December 21st) , the darkest time of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, and a time when the natural world seems to be urging us to slow down, retreat and rest. We want to slow down, but there is a feeling of dissonance leading up to Christmas because the stressors seem to ramp up, the week leading up to Christmas accounts for some of the largest consumer spending of the year according to Experian Marketing Services. Holiday Shopping Report 2024. Experian.com.
The natural world is telling us to slow down, while consumer holiday messaging is telling us to speed up to a frenzied pace of spending and last minute preparations. No wonder we are overwhelmed and tired. There is another way.
While we can’t control everything that stresses us out, we can choose what we focus on and how we respond. Here are some practical, compassionate ways to reduce holiday stress and protect your well-being.
1. Be intentional about how you celebrate
If your calendar is filled with obligations, make sure it also includes something that genuinely brings you joy. Maybe there’s a large holiday gathering you feel obligated to attend—but it isn’t exactly life-giving.
Go if you choose to, but also schedule something just for you: a quiet night by the fire, a walk with a friend, a low-key holiday date with your partner, or even an afternoon with no plans at all. A meaningful holiday doesn’t have to be busy.
2. Spend within your values (and your budget)
Holiday spending pressure is real. Set a budget ahead of time and stick to it—especially if it means saying no to things you or others don’t actually need.
Say “no” to over-spending and avoid credit card debt going into 2026. Instead, focus on being present with the people you care about. Simple, thoughtful moments are often far more memorable than expensive gifts.
3. Adjust your expectations for family gatherings
If someone in your family has a long history of being difficult, expect that pattern to continue. The holidays rarely turn people into magically better versions of themselves.
Maybe your “Debbie Downer” aunt will comment on your body or critique the food—again. Decide ahead of time how you want to handle it. That might mean setting a clear boundary, redirecting the conversation, or reminding yourself that her behavior says more about her than it does about you.
Lowering expectations doesn’t mean giving up—it means protecting your peace, which is worth protecting!
4. Be selective with giving
During the holidays, donation requests flood our inboxes and social feeds. Instead of feeling guilty every time you see a worthy cause, choose one or two organizations that truly matter to you and support them consistently throughout the year.
At the same time, stay open to moments when you feel genuinely moved to help someone in your immediate world. Small, intentional acts of generosity can be deeply meaningful—without draining you.
5. Stop keeping up with the holiday highlight reel
Comparison is exhausting—especially during the holidays. Let your values guide your choices rather than how you think you “should” be seen.
So you’re the only house on the street without holiday lights, and you’re worried your neighbors think you’re a Scrooge? (That might be me.) So what. If you love decorating, you’ll get to it when it feels right. If you don’t, let it go.
Release the pressure to have the perfect cookies, the perfect party, or the perfectly curated family photo. None of those things define a meaningful season.
6. Trade the “holiday ideal” for a meaningful holiday
You don’t need a Pinterest-perfect table to have a wonderful meal. Maybe the pie turns into a cobbler, or the cookies don’t survive the oven (I forgot to set the timer). That’s okay.
Slow down and find time for reflection and gratitude. You may find meaning in re-connecting with your faith or religious gathering instead of going to the mall again. There may be meaning in connecting with people across the globe and across the centuries who have celebrated before us with many beautiful traditions.
Take a deep breath, slow down, and focus on what matters most—rest, meaningful moments, and time with the people you love—so you can truly enjoy the holidays.
May you find sanity, rest, relaxation and enjoyment this holiday season.
This article is updated and adapted from Susan Doak’s 2018 blog article by the same name.